You know I like to believe that I help survivors on a daily basis to be able to grown and learn and love themselves. I like to believe that I help survivors heal and be able to face their abusers, yet here and I am struggling day to day with what I have gone through. When people tell me that it has been long enough so it should be time to move forward, I ask them how would you feel if you saw the eyes of your abuser looking through your child's eyes because I see that in my boys whenever they get angry. It is so hard to compartmentalize and separate those feelings, but I have gotten better. I want the best for all of mine and my husbands kids, and that means helping the boys as they are younger right now to control their genetic psychological struggles that were passed from their abuser and sperm donor, and teaching our daughter what she should not handle from a man, or woman, whoever she ends up with.
This is going to be a forever struggle but it is amazing watching the habits of my husband, who is one of the best men I know, and watching them become part of our kids habits. Knowing that they have an amazing man raising them helps me know that we are on the right path.