Breakdown

Yesterday was a stressful day. It was one of those days where I have to remind myself that I am doing the best that I can do and that I am a good parent. With everything that the boys have had to overcome, and are still overcoming, most days I feel like a failure as a parent, and I don't say that lightly. I truly feel like I failed them some days. Then I remind myself how far we have come and that we have taken great strides. Jaxon's anger, aggression and destructive behavior flared up yesterday while I was helping paint cupboards at my sister's. I just couldn't do it anymore and I was taking him inside for a sit down. As soon as we got inside he just kept screaming like someone was beating him. I couldn't even bring myself to open up my mouth and try to calm him down. I just felt the weight get heavier on my shoulders and I just started crying. I just didn't know what else to do and I knew that if I got angry with him then it would only make it worse. The moment I started crying, Jaxon stopping screaming and started crying. He wanted to tell me that he was sorry and that he didn't like it when I was sad. In that moment, I knew that I am doing everything that I possibly can and that there is hope for us.