I feel this odd calm. After I spoke last night I let myself breakdown again. On the drive home though I let myself be grounded and found my voice again. The voice I use for my groups at Hope House and with survivors. The voice that tells them to focus on what you can control.
In the 5 years he has been in prison I’ve never been able to control the letter I got, or the stalking and harassing from his mom, or the threats from his family that just prove how violent and toxic they are. But what I can focus on is being proactive for the boys.
I know that I have an amazing family, and my phenomenal husband adopted the boys, which literally erased every trace of their abuser on their birth certificate. He has no access to them and no rights. And now that I have been able to contact every place that they go, and I am giving out pictures, and I am preparing safety plans, I know that we are in control of that as a family.
Just like I said last night in my speech, his family and him will never be able to silence me again. I am no longer scared of them, just the memories. But they are memories that I cannot change. So I will continue to use them to help other survivors and just continue to be proactive.