I find myself struggling some days. I see someone come out about abuse and then people post on it and call them a liar. I see them say they didn’t see bruises or they’d have heard it, if they lived with them.
This hurts my heart. I fully understand wanting to stand up for someone that you love and that you don’t believe could have it in them to be an abuser BUT I promise you that no matter who that person is to you, you truly don’t really know.
I was living with my parents, my abuser and I were for a while. They had no idea that when they were gone from the house, or in the middle of the night, I’d get the shit beat out of me.
They didn’t know that I was hiding bruises under my clothes or wearing a hoody to cover marks on my neck. They didn’t know that I cried myself to sleep every night or took a shower just so I had peace to cry.
Our facade we put on of a healthy relationship was award winning. I knew not to show that stuff was going on.
Most people that knew my abuser when I was with him, still to this day don’t know that my books are about him or that he almost killed my son at 3 months old. They just think we broke up and they don’t even know he’s in prison now. He was the perfect actor.
So PLEASE don’t bash someone for coming out about abuse. Don’t tell them that they were mentally abusive too, or toxic. They learned those traits as a defense mechanism because they knew they couldn’t hit back.
We need to stop bashing someone who comes out about abuse. Support them and let them know you believe them. Or you just cause more people who get abused to stay quiet and think they’re alone and that they deserve it.