I wonder if it makes sense to say that dealing with my abuser and his family for so long, and constantly being around the narcissists in my husbands family, and the sociopaths that are not far behind, is what has continued to fuel my obsession with morbid curiosities and wanting to learn more about serial killers and their thinking. It all stems from wanting to fully understand that mentality and mindset. I have a Bachelors in Psychology and Criminal Justice and even I know that there is more to the mind then what we have even slightly discovered. I say slightly because I truly don't think that we will ever fully understand a brain and how the mind works. Everything is ever changing and we talk about environments and triggers, but as someone with triggers, they are so sporadic and ever changing.
I know that most of my friends who dig deep into serial killers and how their mind works, it is not because they have serial killer tendencies themselves, but because they are so intrigued by their brain and how is works. Like how can someone find joy in murdering someone, or almost killing a child, in my abusers case, or beating the shit out of their pregnant girlfriend for months and cause literal brain damage to the fetus in uterus, and still not care and try to put the blame on other people?
What makes the mother of that abuser, who was almost a killer, and then one other child who is a killer, think that it is everyone else's fault in the world? What makes someone think it is okay to harass and stalk victims and torment them? Is it simply because they are so miserable in their own lives that it is the only thing that brings them joy? What makes a narcissist think that it is okay to steal money from a business that is not in their name in any way and spend the next couple weeks doing a pity party on themselves to try and get attention and show their kids that it is okay to be a thief but still want attention from people? I feel like I have so many questions about the way people act and how they are morally okay with it but I guess that answers my question itself doesn't it?
Narcissists. Abusers. Liars. Killers. Manipulators. Evildoer. Perpetrator. Victimizer.
I guess those terms do just explain it all in the aspect that they will never be explained. I once heard that the only way to understand fully one of these type of people, is to become one, but who wants that?
So I guess I will stay curious and search for answers from the sidelines as these monsters destroy most of the lives that they come in contact with. It truly is so sad.