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Putting pieces together...

How can an abuser have zero remorse for what they did? All that they see when their once victim, now turned survivor, refuses to be quiet about what they did, they just think that they are out to get them. Or the abuser now uses the survivors actions to validate how they treated them in the beginning. This is beyond inaccurate. The survivor who won't be quiet now about what happened is trying their hardest to save the next victim.

I had a girl who I have been Facebook friends with for a while now, send me a message the other day and she had informed me that our abuser had raped her roughly the year before that I had started dating him. So, I started reaching out to other people I knew that knew him from before, that I found out while he was in prison. Turns out, my abuser has a history of rape. Go figure. Now, I should clarify that about 90% of these girls that came forward to me, said that they had finally just given in with him because they saw how he treated other people and they didn't want a scene and they didn't know what he would do. Three of these girls then told me how after he did what he wanted with them, he had prank called them with someone else and was talking about how much of a whore they were. Seriously, my heart shattered for these girls.

I do also wonder why he didn't just do the same to me. He didn't actually want me when we were together, because of his cheating and abuse and constant lies, so why not just one and done me like the other girls? What made me so different? Why was I the one he chose to torment for years? Maybe because I heard the stories from him about how his mom was abusive to him and his siblings growing up and how he said she was just "bat shit crazy" so I thought I could help him and fix him. That was why I made so many excuses for him.

Sad isn't it? And now, his mom is one of his biggest supporters. How do you not get upset that your own child almost killed your biological grandchild? You are too focused on the hate of the woman who came forward to protect herself and her kids. If she wasn't such a monster to me about everything both during the time I was with her son, and after, I would have had no problems with her. But now I will just continue to expose them all in hopes of saving someone else's life.

I was sent a picture of an article from when my abuser was little and it was the article about his own father standing trial for almost killing him. I found it interesting that the grandparents are the ones who took him to the hospital and not his own mother, according to the article. I found it even more interesting that this was a big deal and also in the papers, and yet she doesn't seem to understand why I felt the way I did about what her son did to me and my kids. Heck, she at one point walked in when he had me by the throat.

But then, I found out he didn't serve much time and he definitely did not get first degree child abuse, according to the article, and yet I remember my abuser telling me at one point that he found out that his dad had tried to take him once when he was little and his mom told him she didn't think he would give him back so she denied it and so he fled to Florida and never came back. Knowing that, and seeing that article, and then also finally putting together all the things he had told me about his mother, started to make things add up. Just like how when the boys got taken, he specifically told me that he didn't want her to get custody of the boys, but couldn't let her know that it was him that wanted it so I took that blame. I thought I was saving him from her. Ha! Then, right before court he told me about how abusive and psychotic she was and a ton of other labels, so of course I told the lawyers and it was terrifying, so it went in the transcript. BUT because I was the one that said it in court, so he wasn't the one that had to say it, she has always hated me for it, but it was him that said it. Him and his mother are like the same person, and in not one positive quality or trait. I happily took that blame because I thought I was saving him from her, and the boys from her as well.

Truly, in my gut, the reason why I believe it doesn't bother her on what he did, or the fact of anything that he does and that she supports him is because she was the one that almost killed him, not his own dad. It just makes sense because of the horror stories I heard about her and then watching her actions now and the fact that she doesn't care that a baby almost died and about my oldest son's head. Just so many things finally are pieced together and make sense.

Now, I could be wrong, but it would be very very hard to believe that I am wrong with all of the pieces finally going together. She supports him because he is JUST LIKE HER! DING DING DING! I felt the bells going off in my head when everything came together and now why things add up fully.

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You know.. as I write out the title to this blog, I am actually sitting here crying and the song, "Letter" by Kyndal Inskeep just came on my phone. Hearing about your biological dad saying more stuff

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