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Remembering

Isn't it funny how you randomly remember things from an abusive relationship? I still randomly remember things. It could be because someone brings something up, there is a certain smell, or someone looks at me a certain way.

This morning I had a survivor, reach out to me, and she is looking for advice and help, but is worried that her abuser has hacked her messages. As soon as I read that, I had a flashback.


I remember getting a message from my abuser's victim's, from right before he went to prison, step-mom. I know that is a mouth full so I hope you can follow along with that. I remember her saying that my abuser was showing them some raunchy emails from me that I had been sending. This was at the time that they were seeking me out to find out what really happened between my abuser and myself. I was so confused but she read off my email address and I just stopped. I remember my whole body going hot, and getting so angry.


I went into my email, which I had never changed my passwords, because it was just an email for junk stuff and I never ever thought he would stoop so low, or be that insane. I checked my sent email and nothing was there to him. My husband, who was just my boyfriend at the time, told me to check my deleted mail, so I did. Sure enough I had stuff in my deleted email sent to him. Immediately, both my boyfriend and I noticed that the grammar was horrendous, which it was identical to how my abuser wrote. I am very big on grammar, proper spellings and full sentences. These emails were raunchy and clearly not from me. They were stating that "I miss your dick" and even more things. It must have been that he was trying to prove to everyone that I missed him and say that the truth about what happened, was lies that I was making up to make him look bad. He never ever stopped.


I was able to contact an IT person to prove where the location was that the emails had been sent from. The emails had been sent from my abuser's new girlfriend's families house, showing that it wasn't me. I found myself becoming even more enraged. I was still having to defend myself and prove how crazy my abuser was. Luckily, my boyfriend stood by me and became enraged at my abuser too. He just still could never leave us alone, or stop trying to make himself look wanted.


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